Mothers are out of options, not 'opting out'

In the United States, mothers are increasingly finding themselves stuck between a rock and a hard place.

'The choice that is not really a choice' is one of the oldest tricks in parenting. Anticipating a tantrum or endless dawdling, the parent offers the babt a limited set of options: 'Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt? Would you like the carrots or the apple? It's your choice.'
The baby, being a child, feels empowered. He is the one in control; he gets to make the big decisions. But this deception only lasts for so long. Eventually the child grows older and starts to dream beyond his proscriptions. He realises there are not only two options, but a world of dazzling variety. He demands to be part of this world, but his requests are denied. He realises he never had options after all, but that choice itself was an illusion produced by the powerful.

If only his mother would realise the same.

On August 7, the New York Times ran an article called 'The Opt Out Generation Wants Back In' - a follow-up to a 2003 story about highly accomplished, well-educated American women who left the workforce to stay at home with their children. Ten years later, the mothers are seeking work that befits their abilities but most are unable to find it, causing them to question their original decision.
Freshers struggle to land jobs in US.

The NewYork Times piece frames the mothers' misgivings as a result of questionable planning and poor marriage partners, paying mere lip service to the tremendous change in the economy over the past ten years. Whether to work or stay at home is presented as an option that has to do with personal fulfillment and childrearing preferences, divorced from fiscal limitations.

But for nearly all women, from upper middle-class to poor, the "choice" of whether to work is not a choice, but an economic bargain struck out of fear and necessity. Since 2008, the costs of childbirth, childcare, health care, and education have soared, while wages have stagnated and full-time jobs have been supplanted by part-time, benefit-free contingency labour.

The assumed divide between mothers who work inside and outside the home is presented as a war of priorities. But in an economy of high debt and sinking wages, nearly all mothers live on the edge. Choices made out of fear are not really choices. The illusion of choice is a way to blame mothers for an economic system rigged against them. There are no "mommy wars", only money wars - and almost everyone is losing.

The media present a woman's fear of losing her career as the fear of losing herself. But the greatest fear of most mothers is not being able to provide for their children. Mothers with high-paying jobs go back to work to earn money for their kids. Married mothers with low-paying jobs quit to save money for their kids. Single mothers struggle to find work that pays enough to support their kids. Self-fulfillment is a low priority in an economy fuelled by worker insecurity.